The Trio & Me

1. Start and finish a project

In mid-2025, after 2 years in therapy, I was diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, and CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress) and cumulative childhood trauma. A mixed bag of tricks, really. Labels that, on one hand, offered clarity… and on the other, opened a door I wasn’t entirely prepared to walk through.

One of the hardest parts of receiving these diagnoses wasn’t the names themselves, it was what came next. Or more accurately, what didn’t.

Without a known family history, and without anyone who could collaborate with psychiatrists to build a clearer picture of my developmental past, medication for ADHD wasn’t an option available to me. Instead, I was prescribed medication for anxiety and depression, conditions that had quietly wrapped themselves around everything else for years.

And then there’s the reality of being an almost 40-year-old, perimenopausal woman. Because when those diagnoses landed, so did everything else.

The floodgates didn’t just open, they collapsed. Suddenly, I wasn’t just living my life, I was reprocessing it. Every reaction, every coping mechanism, every moment that once felt like a personal flaw began to make a different kind of sense. My nervous system, my trauma responses, the way my brain worked – it all had context now.

But insight without support can feel like standing at the edge of something vast, with no clear way forward.

I found myself holding this new understanding, but without the tools, structure, or guidance to know how to turn it into healing. No clear roadmap. Just awareness. Raw and overwhelming.

So I did the only thing that felt remotely within reach.

I sat down… and I made a list.

A list of 40 things I wanted to achieve by the time I turned 40. Not because I needed more pressure, but because I needed direction. Something to hold onto. Something that felt like movement, even if it was small.

At the top of that list was the big, heavy stuff: trauma, my nervous system, the way my body responds to stress and safety. The lifelong patterns I knew I couldn’t ignore anymore.

But I also knew I couldn’t start there. So I chose something simple. Finish a craft project.

It sounds almost insignificant, especially when placed next to words like trauma and healing. But if you live with ADHD, you’ll understand – unfinished tasks don’t just sit quietly in the background. They linger. They loop. They occupy space in your mind in a way that feels disproportionate but very real.

Each unfinished project becomes a small echo of “not quite,” a quiet reminder of things left undone. I wanted to change that.

I wanted to know what it felt like to complete something. To close the loop. To free up that mental space, even just a little, in the hope that it might create momentum for the bigger, harder things waiting further down the list.

The project I chose was something I genuinely wanted to try – crocheting. Or at least, the idea of it. The rhythm, the creativity, the sense of calm it promised.

But the truth? I didn’t finish. I couldn’t quite master it. My attention drifted, my frustration crept in, and somewhere along the way, it became another unfinished thing. And yet… I’m still here, talking about it.

Because maybe the point isn’t perfection, or even completion – not yet anyway. Maybe the point is the willingness to try. To notice the patterns. To gently challenge them, even when the outcome isn’t what I hoped for.

This list of 40 things—it was never really about ticking boxes. It’s about learning how to work with my brain, instead of constantly feeling like I’m working against it. It’s about soothing my nervous system, not forcing it. It’s about finding small, manageable ways to build trust with myself again.

So maybe the crochet project isn’t finished. But something else has begun – I started documenting my “40 things to do” via my Instagram page, and this became my new project! To keep me motivated – I took photos, documented the process – and of course added a cool accompanying track to celebrate the music of 86′. This items track was: Lionel Richie’s “Dancing on the Ceiling”

Stay tuned – for more 40 things to do before turning 40!

🤍 Kobe